What you can’t expect the law to do
The law seems very powerful when you are first caught up in it but it can’t do everything.
The law can’t make nasty people nice, or unreasonable people reasonable
The family court can order a person to pay a sum of money, or transfer a property to someone else. It can order a violent person to leave the home, or order them not to pester or molest the other person. But don’t expect the law to change someone’s personality. The only way that you are going to change your partner’s behaviour towards you is by finding a new way of communicating. And this is hard, and takes time. Mediation can help with this.
It’s easy to let the law become the focus of your anger and waste a lot of energy on it. Try to remember that it isn’t the cause of the problems between you.
The law won’t monitor a court order for you
Family law is what is called ‘civil’ law and deals with disputes rather than crimes. If people do not do what the court orders, they are not committing a crime, unless they break a non-molestation injunction. Once the court has made an order, it doesn’t check up on you both to see if it’s been carried out. If your partner doesn’t do what an order says, it’s up to you to take it back to the court. This is why it is important to keep all your court papers carefully.
If you ask them to, courts can impose penalties or take action if an order is disobeyed. What the court can do depends on the type of order. Generally, the toughest penalty is that the court can send people to prison for contempt of court. This means that the person is being punished for disobeying the court, not for something that they have done, or not done to you. Judges don’t use this very often; they will often try to use other ways of making the order work.
If someone really refuses to obey the court, you may have to be very determined about taking legal action to force them. It may take several hearings and a lot of money before you pin them down in the end.
What I learned...
“Most people can sort out the furniture themselves. We decided who got what with the help of a packet of different coloured stickers. There were different coloured stickers all over the house…"
The law won’t deal with small matters for you
It’s an old saying that the law does not concern itself with little things. The contents of your home, your pets, or small amounts of money generally need leaving out of the legal arguments. Of course, if you have a lot of valuables and it seems worth spending lots on legal fees over ownership, you may want to do this. But be warned, the legal costs quickly mount up and swallow the value of all but the most expensive items.
