How mediation works
Michelle drops a bombshell…
When we first split up, we both agreed that the kids should live with Michelle. It took a long time for me to get used to not seeing them every day but, being so young, I thought that the girls needed their mum. We managed okay for a couple of years, until Michelle dropped a bombshell. She’d decided to move to be near her parents; the problem was, they lived over 300 miles away.
By the time she told me, she’d already accepted an offer on the house. I was so angry; it was bad enough only having the girls at weekends but now I’d hardly ever get to see them. I went to see a solicitor to find out what I could do to stop her. But the solicitor suggested that I consider going to mediation instead to see if we could work things out together.
It didn’t exactly turn out how I wanted. Michelle and the kids still moved. But the mediator helped us make the best of a bad situation, I suppose. Michelle and I started talking again and that made sorting out contact arrangements a lot easier. I go and visit my daughters as much as I can and, in between visits, we phone and email. This year, they'll be spending the summer with me.
Although more and more people are using family mediation to sort out disputes when they separate or divorce, it’s still pretty foreign to most of us. So here is a guidebook to that foreign territory, which will show you when to go, how you can get there, and what it's like when you're there. There's also a jargon busting section at the end to help you translate some of the words that mediators use into plain English.
Why go to Mediation?
Mediators help people find solutions to all sorts of disputes caused by the ending of their relationship - whether they are married, civil partners, living together or parents who have never lived together. A lot of the problems separating couples need to sort out crop up straight away. But, where they have children together, old arguments (about contact for example) can resurface years later as the children get older and everyone's lives change.
"My new partner has asked me and the kids to move in with him. I want to, but I'm worried that my ex-husband's going to kick up a fuss about it."
"Am I going to have to pay child support?"
"I’d like to visit my grandchildren. I haven’t seen them since my son got divorced."
"I want to live with my dad."
"It seems like such a big step to get a divorce. Should I just do it, or can I wait for a while?"
