Answers
The correct answer to each question is "C". Here's why…
- 1. What does the mediator do?
C: Helps you to work out what issues you need to think about and smoothes the progress of your discussions so you can decide for yourselves what will work best for you.
Why?
It's true that when you go to mediation, you and your ex will be the ones making the decisions. But this doesn't mean that the mediator will just sit back and let you get on with it. They won't tell you what to do, but they will help you to: list the things that need to be discussed, talk through the pros and cons of different solutions, and sort out the issues on which you've been finding it hard to agree.
- 2. Is everything you say during the mediation sessions confidential?
C: It is confidential, but if there's any risk of harm to anyone, especially a child, it will need to be reported. The financial information you have provided can also be used by solicitors and the court later on if the mediation doesn't work out.
Why?
The discussions you have during mediation are as confidential as the discussions you have with your solicitor, so you're free to look at all of your options and be as open as you want. But, there are two exceptions. You'll need to fill in forms, thoroughly and honestly, about your finances and your home. If you can't reach an agreement through mediation, these can be used later on by solicitors or the court. And, if the mediator believes that someone might be at risk, especially a child, it will need to be reported.
- 3. If you go to mediation do you still need to get legal advice from a solicitor?
C: Yes, the mediator can give you general information about legal and court procedure but both of you should still get some legal advice about your particular situation.
Why?
Mediation is not an alternative to legal advice. It's an alternative to getting your solicitor to do the negotiating for you, or getting the court to make a decision about what's best. You and your ex should both have your own solicitor to get legal advice about what's best for you at key points during mediation, especially when you are getting to the stage of a written agreement. Mediation works best if you both make informed decisions.
- 4. How does mediation compare with the costs of getting a solicitor to negotiate an agreement for you or going to court?
C: It's cheaper if you can get legal aid. Otherwise it depends on your situation and whether or not you manage to reach an agreement at the end of the mediation.
Why?
It's often said that mediation is cheaper, but it's not quite that simple. If you're paying for it yourself, the cost depends on lots of different things: the number of issues to be decided, how complicated they are, how long it takes you to reach an agreement, and how much your mediator charges. And don't forget, if mediation doesn't work out, you'll still have to pay for your solicitor to negotiate for you on top of the mediation costs. Don't be afraid to ask your mediator about costs.
But mediation is cheaper if you're on legal aid. Legal aid for mediation (and the legal advice you get alongside it) doesn't need to be paid back, unlike legal aid to pay for a solicitor to negotiate for you or take the matter to court, which may do.
- 5. Splitting up with your partner is very stressful, but will mediation make it more or less stressful than getting a solicitor to negotiate for you or taking your case to court?
C: Both of the above. Going to mediation means you can probably avoid the worry of going to court but talking about difficult issues with your ex after a break-up can be really hard.
Why?
Mediation is far more informal than going to court. On the other hand, it can be very stressful sitting down and talking to your ex when you still have strong feelings about your break-up. But, if you can get through this and start talking again, you'll probably find that sorting out any problems that arise in the future is much simpler than if you had gone through a solicitor and ended up in court. You need to ask yourself, what would you find most difficult to deal with?
- 6. If you're feeling very upset and emotional about a separation, should you go to mediation?
C: You can try mediation if you want to make arrangements for the future. But you should also think about going to see a counsellor, to help you deal with your feelings about the end of your relationship.
Why?
Mediation is not counselling. Counsellors will help you to deal with feelings about the break-up. Mediators will help you to agree on the practical arrangements that need to be made as a result of the separation. It can sometimes be hard to do this if you're still very upset and emotional about the break-up. You need to think about: what stage you're at right now; whether you need to see a mediator, a counsellor, or both; and when to see them.
- 7. Is mediation suitable for you if your ex has been violent towards you in the past?
C: Probably not. You must get legal advice about how best to protect you and your children. But, if you are interested in the possibility of mediation, you can have a meeting with a mediator on your own to work out whether you would be safe and comfortable.
Why?
Mediators are trained to make sure that both of you have a chance to make your views known. But, if your ex has been violent to you or your children in the past, the first thing you should do is to get some legal advice about how to protect yourself and your family. This may involve applying to the court for some urgent safeguards.
If you still want to think about mediation, you can ask to have an initial meeting with a mediator on your own to talk about how mediation works, and whether it is suitable in your situation. Feel free to tell the mediator your worries and ask any questions you want to. The mediation service will not give out your address or phone number to your ex.
If you decide to go ahead, they can arrange for you and your ex to arrive and leave the office at different times, make sure that you are never left alone together, and agree a signal to stop the mediation if you are getting worried or upset. But remember, no-one can make you go to mediation if you don't want to.
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