We're splitting up
Tracey's story
When Jon left I thought it was the end of the world. I was totally devastated. I'd just had Amber, and had no idea how I was going to bring up a baby on my own. My mum could watch her for a few hours but there was no way she'd be able to look after Amber long enough for me to go out to work. Jon kept saying he wanted to come round and see Amber but, whenever I asked him for any money for her, he'd back off. Mum thought I should go and see a solicitor, but I didn't think I could afford it. I didn't know what to do.
My cousin said he and his ex-wife had gone to a local family mediation service. He thought you could have a meeting with one of the mediators there for free to talk about what mediation involved before deciding whether or not to go ahead with it. He gave me the number and eventually I plucked up the courage to make an appointment.
The mediator said she thought mediation could be useful for me and Jon but that I should get some legal advice as well. I told her I couldn't afford it but she checked my income, and told me I could get legal aid for the mediation and some legal advice. She even gave me a list of local family solicitors to call and suggested I go along to my local CAB to find out whether I could get some extra benefits to help out with the rent now I was on my own.
We started mediation not long after. It wasn't easy, but we did manage to agree on things - even about the money. Weirdly, it was probably the most we'd talked in ages.
Introduction
Splitting up with your partner can be a very difficult time. Even if you manage to part on good terms, which few of us do, it can still be hard to cope with all the changes that will be happening in your life. You and your ex will have to make some difficult decisions about the future and, at some stage, this is likely to draw you into the legal process.
If it's all too stressful at the moment, don't panic. Our guide sets out the issues you need to think about and explains your rights. It takes you step-by-step through the different processes you can use to make arrangements for the future. There's also a jargon buster and checklists to guide you through your first meetings with mediators and solicitors.
You can use this guide whether you're married, in a civil partnership, or splitting up with a partner you've been living with.
