Checklist (going to mediation)
Choosing a mediator
You can get contact details for local mediators by calling the National Family Mediation Helpline on: 0845 60 26 627 or visiting their website (see link to the right of this page under the heading 'Links to Other Websites'). If there is more than one mediation provider in your area, you will need to choose one. We've produced a checklist of the questions you might want to ask them to help you decide.
- Do you take legal aid cases? Not all mediators do - but if you think you'll qualify for legal aid, mediation will be free, so it's well worth checking.
- How much do you charge? Does this include VAT? If you don't qualify for legal aid, you will have to pay for mediation. Mediators charge either per hour or per session. Some have a fixed charge, and some offer reduced rates depending on your income.
- Is there a waiting list?
- Can I have my first meeting with the mediator on my own? You might want to do this if there are things you want to talk to the mediator about privately, especially if your partner has been violent with you.
- What professional backgrounds do your mediators have? Some mediators have had other professional training - as solicitors, family therapists or child specialists. Check if you think this could be useful in your particular situation.
- Do you offer mediation sessions with children? Some services have mediators who are trained to work directly with children in mediation. If you think your children are old enough, and would like to be involved, check whether the service can offer this.
Your first meeting with the mediator
Your first appointment is a chance to talk to the mediator about whether mediation would be right for your particular circumstances and ask about anything you want to know. You and your partner can either go together or each have a separate first meeting - it's up to you. Here's a checklist of some of the things you might want to find out about at the first meeting.
- Do I qualify for legal aid? If you don't know this yet, the mediator will be able to work it out for you. To do this, it's important that you take with you your National Insurance number, and evidence of any benefits you receive. You also need to take your latest payslip if you are working and you need to be able to say what your current rent or mortgage payments are and any amount you are paying for childcare costs because of work.
- How will I get my partner to come to mediation? If you have the first meeting on your own and you haven't yet contacted your partner about trying mediation, you'll need to talk to the mediator about how to approach your partner. Do you want to speak to them directly? Or do you want the mediator to get in touch with them? Should one of you contact their solicitor?
- What protection can the mediation service offer me? If you're a bit nervous about sitting down in the same room as your partner, how can the service help? Can you arrive at different times for the joint mediation sessions? Can you wait in separate rooms? Can you agree a signal for time out if you're feeling pressured?
- How long is mediation going to take? How many sessions does the mediator think will be needed in your situation? How long is each session, and how frequently will they take place? How soon will they start?
- What information will I need to bring along and when? At some stage you will need to bring along financial information about your home, savings, debts, income, and living costs. The mediator will probably give you a set of forms to fill out with this information and bring with you to the following session - check when this is likely to be, and what you'll need to find out to complete them.
- How do we arrange the next mediation session?
