Court
Sahla's story
"I knew from the start it would be impossible to agree over the children. Rabi wanted to take them back to Bradford so his mother and sisters could look after them. But I'd always looked after the girls - he never did a thing for them. And anyway, we'd been living in Hayes for nearly two years. Both my daughters had made friends here. I just didn't think they should be disrupted, after everything they'd been through.
We did try mediation, but he brought his mother with him. The mediator wouldn't let her into the room with us, but she sat out in reception and he wouldn't compromise at all - he wouldn't dare, with his mum outside.
After that failed, he went to court asking for a residence order. On the first day we went, the judge asked us if we'd like to try mediation. I said we had, but got nowhere. So she said she'd ask a reporter to investigate. I got a bit nervous about this - I didn't want all our personal lives in the local paper - but my solicitor explained that she meant a 'Children and Family Reporter' from Cafcass. The reporter was very nice - he spoke to me about our lives, had a chat with the girls, and even went to talk to their teachers after school. I know he went to visit Rabi too, and talked to his mum and sisters. A couple of months later my solicitor phoned to say he'd had a copy of the Cafcass report, and it recommended that the girls should live with me, and have at least two holidays a year with their dad and his family. At the court, the judge agreed with this, and suggested we should go back to mediation to talk about how to sort out the holidays. Without his mother, I hope."
If you're divorcing or dissolving a civil partnership, this will be dealt with by the court. If you and your partner agree to the divorce/dissolution and have reached an agreement about arrangements for the children and your finances, you won't need to appear in court. The whole thing will take place on paper, with details of the arrangements you have made for your children and finances being sent to court for the judge to approve. Most people will use solicitors to make the applications to court but, where you are both in agreement like this, it is possible to do it yourselves. You should still get some legal advice before you do this.
If you can't reach an agreement over your children and finances (either through mediation or your solicitors), you'll have to ask the court to make a decision for you. The judge will encourage you to keep trying to reach your own agreement. They may even have a break during the court process to give you time to try mediation, particularly if the dispute is about your children (see below on Cafcass). But in the end, if this doesn't work, the judge will make a court order setting out the arrangements for you.
Courts stock several leaflets about family law, as well as legal forms. You can also download these from the 'Information about….' section of the Court Service website (see the link to the right of this page under the heading 'Links to Other Websites').
Cafcass
Cafcass stands for the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service. If one of you has made an application to court because you can't agree about arrangements for your children, the court will usually ask a Cafcass officer to help. Cafcass officers, often called Children and Family Reporters (reporters in short), are independent of the courts.
The reporter is likely to meet with you and your partner first of all to see if you can reach an agreement. Some offer a form of mediation, either at court or in their own offices. If no agreement is possible, the court will ask the reporter to write a report saying what they think will be best for the children. The judge will take this into account when making an order about the children's residence or contact.
To produce the report, the reporter will talk to you and your partner, either separately or together, about what you want to happen. They will also talk to your children about their wishes and feelings. They may even contact other relatives, the children's teachers, your family doctor, health visitors and social workers to get their views. The report will be sent to your solicitor if you have one, or directly to you if you don't, so you know what it says before you go to court. If you don't agree with what the reporter writes, tell them - you should also tell your solicitor, or tell the judge when you get to court.
You can find more information on the Cafcass website (see 'Links to Other Websites').
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