Mediation
Mediation brings you and your partner together for a series of face-to-face discussions to help you agree on arrangements for the future. The discussions will take place with a mediator, who is trained to help you start communicating again - to help you put your feelings aside and focus on the practical issues that need to be sorted out. 
Mediators are neutral - they will not take sides. They can give you information about how the law works when couples separate, but can't give you any legal advice about how the law applies in your case. You should get some legal advice from a solicitor at some stage during the mediation process - certainly before you reach a final agreement.
At your first meeting, the mediator will ask for details about your situation and discuss with you whether mediation might be suitable in the circumstances. You can choose whether to have this initial meeting together or separately (click on the following link to the Checklist (going to mediation) for tips on how to prepare for this meeting). If you both decide to go ahead with the mediation, you will usually have between one and four sessions with the mediator, each lasting between one and two hours. During these sessions, the mediator will help you to:
- list the issues you can't agree on
- look at the different options you have for resolving each issue
- think about which options are most likely to work for you in practice
- reach a final agreement
At the end of the mediation sessions, the mediator will put together a document setting out your agreement in writing. Different mediation services give it different names but it will usually be called either a 'memorandum of understanding' or a 'statement of outcome'. This can go into a lot more detail about the practical side of the arrangements than solicitors or the court. Sometimes its these little details that make all the difference.
Domestic violence
If your partner has been violent or has abused you or your children, the first thing you should do is get some legal advice from a solicitor about how to keep yourself and your children safe (click on the following link for information on how to find a Solicitors). If you need help immediately, call the police - dial 999.
Whether you're living with your partner or living apart but still in danger, your adviser will be able to tell you what options you have and can help you apply to court for protection. This will usually be an 'injunction', which could either decide living arrangements for you in the short term (for example by requiring your partner to leave your home or stop them coming within a certain distance of your home), or stop your partner from harassing or assaulting you.
An 'injunction' is an order made by a court either stopping someone from doing something or requiring someone to do something. If that person breaks the injunction, they could be sent to prison.
If you are on a low income and only have limited savings, you may be able to get legal aid to cover both your mediation costs, and the legal advice you get alongside it. You will not have to pay this back. This could save you a lot of money. Ask your mediator about legal aid or check online using the Community Legal Advice Legal Aid Calculator (you can find a link to this to the right of the page under the heading 'Links to Other websites).
How to find a family mediator
- Call the Family Mediation Helpline on: 0845 60 26 627, or visit their website at the link given to the right of this page under the heading 'Links to other websites'. You can talk to helpline staff about family mediation, discuss whether it might be right for you, and get details of your local mediation services.
- Use the search on the national Family Mediation website - see 'Links to other websites'.
- Ask any friends who have also been through a break-up whether they would recommend the mediator they used.
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