What is mediation?

Mediation is not about getting back together. It is a chance for couples who are splitting up (or other family members with a dispute) to sit down, together with someone who has been properly trained to help, and make arrangements for the future. You could have been married or living together. You may or may not have children. You may need to work out plans for any number of things, including your children, your money, or your home.

What the mediator does…

• Meets with you and your ex (either together or separately depending on your circumstances and their style) for an initial meeting. This gives you, your ex and the mediator the chance to work out exactly what issues are at stake and whether you'll both feel safe and comfortable discussing them face-to-face.

• Helps you and your ex to go through those issues, think of your options, decide whether they'd work in practice and come to an agreement about what's best. The mediator is there to make sure that both of you get a chance to put your side of the story, particularly if one of you is better at arguing than the other.

• Gets both of you to fill out forms giving information about your finances. Be aware: you'll have to sign these to confirm that the information is correct.
  Puts together a document at the end of the sessions setting out your agreement in writing.

What the mediator doesn't do…

• Make the decisions for you: you and your ex are in control.
  Take sides: they are simply there to smooth the progress of your own discussions.

What you and your ex should do…

• Be open and honest about everything from the start, especially your finances. This gives you the best chance possible of reaching a fair and workable agreement. Don't worry, mediation is confidential. The mediator cannot pass on any of the information you give without your permission. Be aware of two exceptions: Information about a risk of harm to anyone, especially a child, will need to be reported. The financial information you have provided can be used later on by solicitors in negotiations, or in court if the mediation doesn't work out.
  
• Get some legal advice to find out what your rights are and what's best for you, especially when you are getting to an agreement. Mediation works best if you both make informed decisions.

• If your circumstances change later down the line, causing new problems, see if you can adapt your agreement: it's not set in stone!

May 2006