Where does mediation fit in?
Relationships end for various reasons and splitting up can affect people in lots of different ways. Some manage to remain the best of friends and are able to sort everything out for themselves. Some can't bear to go anywhere near each other ever again. Some have violent partners. For them, getting solicitors to negotiate for them, or even going to court, may be the safer option.
The legal aid rules say that you have to consider trying mediation before you can get legal aid (to pay for a solicitor to negotiate an agreement for you, or to represent you in court where there are disagreements over money or the children).
This doesn't mean that you have to use a mediator but it does mean that you have to find out about it. In practice, if you have gone straight to a solicitor, they will arrange a meeting for you with a mediator to talk about whether mediation is right for you.
Mediation can be very useful if you fall somewhere in the middle. It gives you a chance to sit down and take control of making arrangements for the future yourselves. But you'll have the support of a mediator, who'll help you stay focused and make sure you both get a chance to put your point of view.
Be aware: if you're married, you'll still need to apply to court to get the divorce itself. This can be a fairly cheap and simple process if you have sorted out the financial issues through mediation first. Your solicitor can then prepare a consent order, based on your agreement, to go to the court for approval.
If mediation isn't for you, or you try it, but don't manage to reach an agreement, you could get a solicitor to negotiate for you instead. They will contact your ex or your ex's solicitor to try and reach the best agreement they can. All you need to do is explain to your solicitor what you want. They will use their knowledge of the law and their experience to tell you whether this is realistic, which will help you to decide your bottom line.
If this doesn't work, the court may have to make the decisions for you.
