Will family mediation work for me?
Splitting up with your partner can be really traumatic. Not only do you have to cope with the pain and upset of separating but, suddenly, you're faced with lots of uncertainty about the future. Who will look after the children? What will you live on? What will happen to the family home?
It's likely, at some point, that someone will suggest you try family mediation to sort these things out - perhaps your ex, your solicitor, or even the court. But what exactly does it involve? Family Mediation can be a very useful way for couples to sort out practical arrangements after a break-up, but it won't work for everyone. Take a look at our quiz to help you decide whether family mediation could work for you and your ex.
QUIZ QUESTIONS
Q1. One time, when you were still together, your partner had promised to look after the kids so you could go out with some friends. But by eight that evening, you still didn’t know where he was. You tried calling his mobile but he didn't pick up. When he eventually got home, it was too late for you to go out.
Did you:
A. Give your partner a chance to explain what happened but tell him he should've rung you. He apologised and promised he'd look after the kids at the weekend.
B. End up listening to your partner shouting the odds and find it difficult to get a word in edgeways. You even start to feel guilty about getting so annoyed with him.
C. Start rowing but soon back down and give in to your partner as usual. You'd learnt after five years that it just wasn't worth getting in to an argument with such a bully.
Q2. The last Christmas you were together, you spent far more on presents than you could afford. The atmosphere at home was pretty tense when the credit card bills started arriving and you had some huge rows about money.
Did you:
A. Find that the rows got everything out into the open. Once you'd calmed down, you were able to sit down together and work things out.
B. End every row with one of you storming out. No matter how calmly you started talking, it would always end in a blazing row.
C. Start to feel afraid that the arguments would get out of hand and your partner would lash out. It wouldn't be the first time he'd hit you.
Q3. Eventually, you and your partner separate. Three months later, you find a pile of old photos of the two of you when you're tidying up.
Do you:
A. Stop and look at them. It's upsetting to think it's over but, deep down, you know it's for the best. You give your ex a call to ask if he wants to keep any of the photos.
B. Put them back in the cupboard. It's too painful to dredge up old memories. But it does make you realise there are still lots of things you need to sort out.
C. Have to fight back the tears as you look through them - you still can't stop thinking about your ex. Maybe you should give it another go?
Q4. It's your daughter's birthday. You're having a party for her and decide you ought to invite your ex. When you speak to him, he asks if it would be ok to bring his new partner.
Are you:
A. A bit taken aback, but bravely agree.
B. Upset with him for even suggesting it. It's far too soon for that. You'll need time to get used to the idea that he's with someone else before you actually meet them.
C. Absolutely horrified. You had no idea your ex had already met someone else. It's all you can think about and it starts to become a struggle just to get through each day.
Q5. Since you split up, there have been a few times when you've arranged for your ex to have the kids for the weekend and he hasn't turned up to collect them. You want to try mediation but you don't want to waste all that time making an agreement if your ex isn't going to stick to it.
Do you:
A. Decide he probably will. By the time you've reached an agreement, you'll both have had plenty of time to think about what's going to work best.
B. Feel like he's more likely to stick to an agreement if he's required to by law.
C. Decide there's no way he's going to stick to anything - he's not going to make life easy for you.
What did you score? (click to find out).
