Katie's costly mistakes

“I had been living with Paul for nine years when things started to go wrong. I thought it was just that we had both been working really hard, and I kept badgering him to take some holiday. Then one day he told me he wasn’t going to come on holiday with me - he was leaving me! He had been having an affair with his boss for a few months and was in love with her. She was married, and she was leaving her husband to be with him. I was gobsmacked! I hadn’t had a clue.

I went to my mum’s house that night and I’m still living there. A week after I’d moved out I went back and Paul helped me pack up my clothes, the laptop I used for work, and a few odds and ends.

Obviously I was very hurt and angry but I really wanted everything to be as amicable as possible. We met one evening to discuss what we should do. I wanted to sell the house but Paul didn’t. So we agreed he’d buy me out, at a reduced rate because he couldn’t afford any more. We divided the debts between us. We were working out what to do about the furniture and appliances when his girlfriend turned up - I just left.

We never did divide the furniture and Paul got to keep everything. Somehow he even kept the car I had bought. I tried to speak to him a few times but eventually I gave up. I wanted to move on. I don’t think he was trying to be difficult; he was just never very organised.

One year later I found out that he didn’t quite live up to his end of the bargain where the debts were concerned. The bank took us to court because he stopped making payments. We now had a Community Court Judgement against both of us, and the first I knew of it was when I failed a credit check for a mobile phone.

When we split up I didn’t know how to begin sorting things out, and I didn’t want to argue with him. I didn’t want to see him at all if I could avoid it. But that decision cost me a lot in the long run.”

February 2010