Readers' questions - What counts as 'living together'?
Dear Mary,
If a person stays with me, how many nights are they allowed to stay before it is classed as living together?
I’m not entirely sure what you mean. I’m guessing you are thinking about the Benefits Agency classifying you as living together. I've been contacted by several people who are thinking about it now because of a new benefit fraud campaign.
In order to be treated as a couple living together for benefits purposes, you have to be living together at the same address. If your boyfriend or girlfriend have another address where they receive their post, keep their things, pay bills, etc they clearly don’t live with you. Other situations can be more difficult to prove. For more information have a look at our 
Benefits and LivingTogether Leaflet (283 KB).
In some circumstances being seen as living together maybe a problem for your tenancy as well. Depending on what type of tenancy you have, you may have to ask your landlord for permission for your boyfriend/girlfriend to move in. If you don’t do this, you may be breaching your contract, which could be used against you later. However, you wouldn’t need to do this if your partner doesn’t live with you, no matter how often he/she is at your flat. For more details see our Housing & LivingTogether (257 KB).
If you have any difficulty you should get help from an advice centre. To find your nearest advice service, use the Community legal advice link at the bottom of the page, or check your Yellow Pages.
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Dear Mary,
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. He receives Jobseekers Allowance and Housing Benefit. Last week he got a letter saying they’d stopped his benefits because they'd been informed I live there. But I don’t live there; I only stay a couple of nights a week. When he phoned the Benefits Agency, he was told that that counted as me living there. How can this be right? I like him but i'm not exactly in a position to start supporting him!!
No. Couples that live together do have to claim most benefits as a couple, meaning that both partner’s earnings and savings have to be taken into account. But, as you say, you don’t live together. People might have told you that you're classed as living together if you stay at your boyfriend's for more than 2 or 3 nights a week - but this is plain wrong. In order to be treated as a couple for benefits purposes, you have to be living together at the same address. If you have another address where you receive your post, keep your things, pay bills, etc you clearly don’t live with your boyfriend. Other situations can be more difficult to prove to the Benefits Agency.
If you're not getting anywhere with them yourselves, you should go to an advice centre. They'll be able to help your boyfriend to get a new decision so he won't lose any money. To find your nearest advice service, use the Community legal advice link at the bottom of the page, or check your Yellow Pages.
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Hi Mary,
My Mum, who is a widow, allowed a male friend to move into her bungalow just under 4 years ago just to share living expenses. Unfortunately this situation hasn't really worked out as he has kept all of the money from the sale of his house and only pays my Mum £20 per week towards all of the household bills! My Mum has really bad arthritis and is thinking about possibly selling her property and down sizing to a 1 bedroom where she would prefer to live on her own without this male companion. I have heard that if someone is sharing your home then you can't sell the property without their permission, is this correct? If so how would she stand if this gentleman refused to sign the documentation thus blocking my Mum's future plans?
Also, we have heard that there is a new law coming out soon whereby if my Mum is to die first then he would be entitled to a share of her property even though he is not on the house deeds nor has he contributed to the mortgage on the property. My Mum has made a will leaving the property to me her only child would this new law over-ride the will, meaning that I would have to share the proceeds with this man? My Mum is getting very concerned about all of this as she thought that she had secured my inheritance by making this will after my Dad died.
The simple answer is that what you have heard is not right. As the sole owner she has the right to ask anyone else to leave. She should give him 'reasonable warning' (if he pays her weekly, a week should be enough legally, but more would be kinder), but he has no rights to stay. Only co-owners have a say as to whether the home can be sold or not.
It's difficult, from what you tell me, to be sure quite what the situation is. Are they two people living as flatmates, or are they a couple living together?
The Law Commission are looking at whether the law should be changed to give cohabiting couples more rights, but we do not know yet if they will suggest any changes, or what those changes will be. We also don't know if these suggestions would receive support from parliament and become law. It is unlikely that any new law would come into power until 2009 at the earliest, but you should have a look then and see if it would affect you. It does seem very unlikely to me that any change in the law would override wishes set out in a will.
Any change in the law would only affect people living together as a couple, and not people sharing a home in any other form of relationship. For more information see our section Is the law going to change?
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Dear Mary,
I have for the last 7 years a neighbour from hell she has reported me to the council for working, letting my boyfriend live with me and not informing the housing benefit office at the council, noise from my dog, music constantly playing etc - and now a compliance officer is coming out to see me about my benefits. All this is untrue. How do I prove myself not guilty?
You'll need to prove that your boyfriend doesn't live with you. The easiest way of doing this is usually to prove he lives somewhere else - does he rent or own a home elsewhere, where he pays council tax, receives his bills and keeps the majority of his things? For more information see our Benefits leaflet (283 KB).
You'll also have to convince the compliance officer that you're not working.
If you do have any problems as a result of the visit contact your local advice centre right away.
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Dear Mary,
My second cousin and I were involved in a same sex relationship together which, unfortunately, only lasted for four years. After she moved out, we both realised how much we missed each other and started living together again but as cousins instead of life partners. Now I am applying for Benefits and the Benefits Agency want to come to our home to see if we are in a civil partnership or not. Space is limited in our home so we do share a bed but there isn’t anything "intimate" going on. It doesn’t seem fair that she should be expected to look after my daughter and I financially, but we both feel the Benefits Agency is going to stick us with an inappropriate title for our relationship. Please help!
I wish I could say something more helpful, but proving you’re not living as a couple is likely to be a bit tricky. It's likely that you'll have to jump through some hoops before they process your claim. Get yourself an appointment at your local advice centre as quickly as possible. They’ll be able to help you make a case. You can find your local advice service using the Community legal advice link at the bottom of the page - or find them in the yellow pages.
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Dear Mary,
I owned my own house until 2 years ago when I sold my house and bought a very large residential yacht which I regard as my main residence. I do spend some time with a very good female friend at her property, which she owns. We have no sexual relationship as I have a degenerative and incurable immune system illness. We have been good friends for nearly 30 years, she kindly allows me to stay in a separate room in her house when I am having problems with my health or have been in hospital. When I am fit I spend as much time as I can on my yacht. Could we be classed as living together, even though we both have our own homes and pay our own bills, as my friend has been receiving Widow's Benefit?
I think you should be ok, provided that your yacht is moored somewhere where you are allowed to live on it permanently. Assuming that this is the case – it should be fairly easy to prove that you don’t live with your friend at all, much less live with her “as if you were married”. Having said that, the DWP are sometimes a suspicious bunch – if your friend does have any difficulty she should get help from her local advice service right away. Use the Community Legal advice link at the bottom of the page to find one, or check your Yellow Pages.
