If you were to split up…
If your relationship were to break down, you would need to decide:-
- who your children will live with ('residence');
- when and how the other parent the will have contact with the children ('contact');
- how much that parent will pay towards their upkeep ('child support').
Whether or not you were married makes no difference to any of these issues.
Residence and contact
For step-parents
If you can’t agree on arrangements after a separation, you might need to get permission from the court before you can apply for a residence or contact order. If you are thinking about doing this, we recommend that you get advice from a family solicitor.
Most good family solicitors are a member of Resolution. Resolution members are committed to helping their clients resolve disputes fairly, with as little stress and conflict as possible. You can find one near you by visiting their website (see 'links to other websites').
It is usually thought to be better for your children, and your relationship with each other, if you can agree on these things between you - either by yourselves, or with the help of a mediator or solicitor. But if there's no way you're ever going to see eye to eye, you'll have to get the court involved.
The law puts the child's needs above the wishes or 'rights' of the parents. If you ask the court to decide who your children should live with and what contact the other parent should have the judge will take a number of things into account, including:
- the children’s wishes (bearing in mind their ages and understanding);
- the children’s needs;
- the likely effect of change on the children;
- any harm the children have suffered or are suffering; and
- the children’s ages, sex and background.
In most cases, the court will accept that it is best for the children to establish and maintain as good a relationship with both parents as possible.
For more help and information on how to make arrangements for your children on a separation, download our guide 
Parents Apart (401 KB).
Child support
All parents are financially responsible for their own children. So, if you were to split up, the parent that wasn't looking after them on a daily basis would be obliged to pay child support.
Child Maintenance Options website and helpline (0800 0834 375) can give you advice on child support for your children. They will advise you on your choices and help you sort out an agreement if possible. If you can’t agree then they will tell you about how to use the Child Support Agency. See 'links to other websites'.
For step-parents
You are not legally financially responsible for your partners' children if you are not married or in a civil partnership.
In reality, you might choose to make a financial contribution to their upbringing if you and your partner separate. It would be useful to set this out in an agreement. You could also spell out how any child support should be used.
