You need to know about and follow the process before you can apply to court for an order about your finances. It applies to everyone – whether you have a lawyer or not. 

If you do apply to court, you will need to explain to the court what efforts you have made to agree on things with your ex out of court before the court will look at your case in any detail. The judge will also expect you to keep trying to reach an agreement while your case is in court. 

There are just a few situations when the process does not have to be followed. If you are raising serious concerns about domestic abuse or harm to you or your children, you can explain this to the court and a judge will decide if you can be exempt from following the process. This means the court would agree to you not following them because of the particular risks in your case. 
 

As long as it is safe to do so, the court expects you to: 

1. go to a mediation information and assessment meeting, 
2. try at least one non-court method of reaching an agreement with your ex,
3. share all your financial information in an honest and open way with your ex, wherever possible, 
4. tell the court (and your ex) about your efforts to try other ways to come to an agreement before any court hearing, in a form called FM5. 

We explain more about all these things listed above, next. If you want to read the details yourself, you can find the formal document at Pre-application protocol for financial remedy proceedings.  

You must attend a mediation information and assessment meeting (MIAM) before you can apply to the court – unless you fall into the limited circumstances that mean you don’t have to do this. Your ex should go to their own MIAM too.

A MIAM is not mediation. It is a meeting to help you understand more about mediation and the other options available to you to reach an agreement out of court. Mediation can help but there are other options to think about too.

The purpose of this meeting is to:

1. explore whether you really have to go to court or whether you might be able to come to an agreement, and 
2. assess whether mediation or other out of court options are safe ways for you and your ex to try and sort out your disagreement.

Only mediators registered with the Family Mediation Council can carry out MIAMs. During the meeting, the family mediator will give you all the information you need to decide if mediation or another type of dispute resolution could help you and your ex to avoid court. 

To find a family mediator that can help you with a MIAM, go to the Family Mediation Council website.

Next, we explain the different types of dispute resolution recognised by the court. If you apply to court, the court expects you to have thought about them and tried at least one method unless there are safety concerns or another good reason not to, for example, your ex is threatening to get rid of property or savings to prevent you from having a fair share.
 

If you cannot reach agreement by speaking to each other or with the help of family or friends, you cannot just go straight to court for an order. Instead, the court expects you to try another way to resolve your dispute, as long as it is safe for you to do so. Family lawyers often call this ‘non-court dispute resolution’ or ‘NCDR’ for short.

Ideally, using at least one kind of non-court dispute resolution should help you to negotiate with your ex and enable you to make reasonable suggestions on how to settle your financial situation, including what orders you would want the court to make. This could mean you can avoid court altogether or narrow down the areas you disagree on so that the court case is quicker and less bitter.

Different ways to get help with your problem 

The methods of non-court dispute resolution that the court recognises are: 

1. mediation, 
2. a process called the ‘collaborative law approach’ where you both have solicitors and come together in the same room to negotiate and reach agreement, 
3. early neutral evaluation where a single experienced family lawyer gives their opinion on how the court would decide what should happen in your dispute, or 
4. arbitration (like having a private judge).

The cheapest of these options is likely to be mediation, especially if you can get legal aid to mediate or access a mediation voucher worth £500. 

Next, we explain each of these options in more detail. 

Mediation 

Mediation aims to help you communicate with one another now and in the future and to reduce any conflict between you. Trained mediators can help you talk to each other and find solutions, even when it is hard. They are there to help you both and can provide you with a safe and supportive environment where you can work out solutions together.

Mediation can be flexible – you can be together in the same room, or it can take place online. If you feel safer, it can take place with you in different spaces where the mediator goes between you both. If you can afford it, it is also possible to have a solicitor there to advise you on your decisions. 

When it comes to reaching agreements on your finances when you get divorced, the mediator will ask you both to provide all your financial information so that you can negotiate with your ex from an informed starting point.

Pros 

• Mediation can be cheaper than instructing a solicitor and can even be free if you can get legal aid or help through the voucher scheme. 
• It is usually far quicker and less stressful than going to court. 
• It helps to reduce conflict between you both which is better for you and most importantly better for any children. 

Cons 

• It may not be appropriate where there are issues around domestic abuse or risk of harm to you or the children or other issues such as substance misuse or mental health problems that could get in the way of productive conversations. 
• The mediator can give you both general information about the law but cannot give you personalized legal advice on whether what you are agreeing to will result in the best outcome for you. 
• If your ex refuses to mediate and the problems continue, you will have to apply to court.

Collaborative approach 

This is where both you and your ex instruct solicitors who are trained to work in a collaborative way. The idea is that you and your ex and your solicitors all agree to work together to come up with an agreement that works for you and any children, so you can all avoid the stress of court proceedings. The solicitors agree that if the process breaks down and you end up going to court, they will not be able to represent you. This means that they are really committed to supporting you both to reach an agreement. 

Pros 

• Everyone focuses on working hard to get the best outcome that you can both accept. 
• You avoid court and so the process is usually far quicker and less stressful. 
• The focus is on the future and coming to a compromise which helps reduce conflict.

Cons  

• It is likely to be more expensive than mediation as you both have to pay for solicitors who are trained in this approach, and you need to pay them beforehand so they can be well prepared for the meetings you have together. 
• You need to be able to cooperate with your ex to get an outcome. 
• It may not be appropriate where there are issues around domestic abuse or risk of harm to you or any children or other issues such as substance misuse or mental health problems that could get in the way of productive conversations.

Neutral evaluation 

This is when an independent professional, who is an expert in the legal issues in your case, gives you both their professional view on what a judge is likely to order. This person is usually an experienced family law solicitor or barrister. You can then use their assessment or ‘evaluation’ of your case to make an agreement or negotiate further with your ex. This process can also involve something called a private financial dispute resolution appointment, or 'FDR' for short. To understand more about financial dispute resolution appointments, go to How to apply for a financial order. 

Pros 

• It can be helpful to have an expert give their view if one of you has quite different expectations to the other about what would be a reasonable settlement. This can then mean your later conversations are more realistic and productive. 
• It can be reassuring to have someone who is both independent (not on either of your sides) and an expert lawyer without the stress and effort of going to court. 
• It will be quicker than going to court. 

Cons 

• It is likely to be more expensive than a process like mediation. 
• If one or both of you do not like what is recommended as an outcome you may not have made much progress as the view of the neutral evaluator is not legally binding.

Arbitration

This is like having a judge but outside the court system. An arbitrator is a qualified, independent professional. Before the process starts you have to both agree to be bound to the decision the arbitrator makes at the end. You both tell the arbitrator about what you think should happen with your finances, such as the family home or pensions. The arbitrator makes a decision, and you both have to follow it. 

Pros 

• This approach is helpful if you really cannot agree and need someone else to make a binding decision for you – one that you must both stick to. 
• It is usually much quicker and more flexible than going to court.
• You choose the arbitrator and the location of the arbitration. 
• The arbitrator will make a decision based on the evidence you both give.
• The process is confidential. 

Cons

• This can be an expensive process as you need to pay for the arbitrator and normally you will also need to instruct solicitors to present your case to the arbitrator. Only some arbitrators will take the case without solicitors being involved.
• Arbitration may not be suitable for cases where domestic abuse or safeguarding concerns are raised by one or both parents.

Next is a table that gives you key information on costs, timings and how to find someone that offers these services. If you are using a smart phone to read this guide, and you cannot see all the table, turn your phone sideways.

The protocol requires you both to share all your financial information with each other openly and honestly, wherever possible. Lawyers often call this ‘full and frank disclosure’. 

The duty to do this applies to you both, whether you are trying to agree things through lawyers, one of the methods explained above, or if you are in the court system. 

The way to share all your financial information is via a court form called Form E. If you don’t have a lawyer to help you, this form can be quite off putting. We have made a helpful video on how to fill it in. 

If you can agree with your ex (directly or through one of the processes explained above) that you will prepare your financial information and exchange Forms E, this will help you narrow down the areas of disagreement and be better informed on each other’s position. This can lead to an agreement and help you avoid court. 

You can only negotiate and reach an agreement if you have all the necessary information about all the family finances – property, assets (things of financial value), pensions and debts. 

If your ex will not communicate with you at all either directly or through a type of non-court dispute resolution, or you think they are holding back relevant financial information or getting rid of assets to stop you from accessing them, you will need to get help. You should try and get legal advice if you possibly can, and you will probably need to apply to court.

If you apply to court, you need to tell the court what efforts you have made to try and agree things with your ex and how. You do this by using Form FM5. If you don’t think it is safe or appropriate to try non-court methods, you can explain this to the judge. 

Usually, you will need to fill in this form and send it to the court and your ex before each court hearing. 
 

The powers of the court 

1. If you decide to apply to court without first going to a mediation information and assessment meeting, the judge can order you to go to one unless you have a good reason not to go. Lawyers call this good reason a ‘valid exemption’. The court can delay your case for this to happen, or you can go to a meeting in the time between the first hearing and any later hearings. 
2. If you have not tried a non-court method to sort out your dispute, the court can refuse to get your case up and running with a timetable until you have both tried at least one – for a reminder of the options go back to the section called Step 2 - non-court methods of reaching an agreement with your ex. The court can do this repeatedly, so for example, you may have one or two hearings and still be asked to try some kind of dispute resolution even at that stage in the hope of avoiding a final hearing. 
3. If the court orders you to take certain steps to sort out your dispute outside the court process and you don’t do what you are ordered to do, the court has the power to end or ‘dismiss’ your application. You would then need to start all over again if you felt you still needed a court order. 
4. The court can also make costs orders if it decides one or both of you have failed to follow the process – for example by not going to a MIAM or by not trying mediation. A costs order is where one of you is ordered to pay some or even all of the costs that the other person has built up by being involved in the court case. This is not that common, but obviously something you want to avoid! 
    

Emotional support 

Relate have lots of information on their website about a range of problems that can arise in relationships and families. 

How to find a family mediator

Anyone can call themselves a family mediator, so it is important to choose someone you can be sure is well trained and experienced. 

A good way to find a registered mediator is to use the search tool provided by the Family Mediation Council to find one near you. Only mediators on their list are able to carry out mediation, information and assessment meetings (often called MIAMs). All Family Mediation Council registered mediators must follow a code of practice to maintain good standards in their work. 

If you follow up on a recommendation from family or friends, be sure to just check the name on the Family Mediation Council website so you know that the person is registered and either working towards being an accredited mediator or is accredited. This will give you reassurance that the mediator you choose is trained and experienced.

All the mediators included on the Family Medication Council website have been trained by providers approved by the Family Mediation Council and most are also accredited, which means that they are experienced mediators. Not all mediators do Legal Aid funded mediation, but those who do must be accredited – you can search for them by ticking the middle box on the search tool. Only mediators included on this register can provide mediation via the mediation voucher scheme. For more help, take a look at Family mediation.

How to find legal advice

Use our Affordable Advice service to discuss the most important bits of your case. 

For help finding a family lawyer a good place to start is Resolution where you can find lawyers by searching using your postcode. Resolution members must commit to helping you work out your legal problem in a non-confrontational way. A green tick next to the lawyer’s name tells you that they offer legal aid.

Some family law specialists do extra training in an approach to solving legal problems called collaborative practice. If you use this approach, each of you agree to use a collaboratively trained lawyer and have meetings together to try and solve the issues without going to court. You can search for a collaboratively trained lawyer on the Resolution website by choosing ‘Collaborative practitioner’ in the Service offering box. 

You can also search for a specialist lawyer near you who has been accredited by the Law Society. This means they have a significant amount of experience and expertise and have passed a Law Society assessment - go to Law Society Find a solicitor page. 

You can also find a family legal aid lawyer via the GOV.UK website.

The Child Law Advice service provides free advice on all areas of English child and family law from the Child Law Advice Line on 0300 330 5480 Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm.

Rights of Women offers free, confidential legal advice for women in England and Wales on family law matters (for example, about domestic violence and abuse, divorce, cohabitation, finances and property on relationship breakdown, parental responsibility and arrangements for children and lesbian parenting). 
For women in England and Wales, call: 020 7251 6577. Line open Tuesday to Thursday, 7pm to 9pm, Fridays 12pm to 2pm (closed on public holidays). 
For women in London, call: 020 7608 1137. Line open: Mondays 10am - 12pm and 2pm to 4pm, Tuesdays 2pm - 4pm, Wednesdays 2pm - 4pm, Thursdays 10am - 12pm and 2pm to 4pm (closed on public holidays).

RCJ Advice family services include free legal advice delivered daily through legal appointments and FLOWS, a national domestic abuse legal service linking women to legal aid for family law. 

They may be able to help you if you:
•    live in England or Wales,
•    have a case in the Family Court, and
•    are not already represented by a solicitor or barrister.

To book an appointment please complete the Assessment Form on their website. 

Direct access barristers - another way to get legal advice is to speak to a barrister who is qualified to represent members of the public directly (without a solicitor being involved). There are limits on what a barrister can do outside of representation at court, but it is often a cheaper option if you just want to get some advice rather than have a solicitor to negotiate on your behalf. The details of appropriately qualified barristers and an explanation of the way the system works can be found at Direct Access Portal. 

Don’t be afraid to phone around to compare prices or see if you can find someone who will give you the first appointment for free. Try and get organised before you make any calls, so that you can answer questions about your case clearly.

Domestic abuse

Always dial 999 in an emergency. If you cannot speak when you call you may be asked to cough or tap on the phone or enter the numbers 55. The operator will then know you are there and in danger and transfer you to the police.

For support or to discuss your options you can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 or in Wales, Live Fear Free on 0808 80 10 800. Both helplines are open 24 hours a day. Both help lines are for anyone who is experiencing, or has experienced domestic abuse, or for anyone who is worried about domestic abuse happening to a friend, family member or colleague. It is free, confidential and the number will not show up on a BT telephone bill.

If you are a man and you or your children are affected by domestic violence or abuse, you can contact the Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 Monday – Friday 10am- 5pm.

The National Centre for Domestic Violence provides a free, emergency injunction service to survivors of domestic violence regardless of their financial circumstances, race, gender or sexual orientation. You can contact them on 0800 970 2070. Alternatively, you can text: NCDV to 60777 and they will call you back.

Galop runs a national helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people experiencing domestic abuse. You can contact them on 0800 999 5428. 

You can find more information and support from:
•    Refuge 
•    Women’s Aid 
•    Welsh Women’s Aid 
•    Surviving Economic Abuse

If you are worried about your own behaviour towards your current or ex-partner, or are you concerned for someone you know who is being abusive, help is available to stop this at Respect Phoneline, with non-judgmental advice and access to behaviour change programmes. Call 0808 8024040, Monday–Friday 10am-5pm.

Applicant 

The name given to the person who applies to court for an order. 

Application 

The form that you use to ask the court to do something. 

Arbitration

This is like having a judge but outside the court system. An arbitrator is a qualified, independent professional. Before the process starts you have to both agree to be bound to the decision the arbitrator makes at the end.

Assets 

Everything you have other than income - things worth money, like houses and other property, furniture, cars, investments, savings, pensions, and jewellery.

Collaborative approach

This is where both you and your ex instruct solicitors who are trained to work in a collaborative way. The idea is that both you, your ex and your solicitors agree to work together to come up with an agreement that works for you and your children, so you can all avoid the stress of court proceedings.

Full and frank disclosure 

This is what lawyers call the requirement to be open and honest about your financial situation with your ex when you are negotiating your finances when you get divorced.

Mediation 

This is a process where trained mediators help you talk to each other and find solutions, even when it is hard. They are there to help you both and can provide you with a safe and supportive environment where you can work out solutions together, even if you are not in the same room or online space. 

Neutral evaluation

This is when an independent professional, who is an expert in the legal issues in your case, gives you both their professional view on what a judge in the family court is likely to order.

Non-court dispute resolution

The name given to different ways of sorting out your dispute outside the court process. There are various different methods including mediation and arbitration.

Pre-application protocol 

‘Pre-application’ means the period of time when you are in a dispute, but neither of you have applied to court yet. It is a window of time to try and compromise to avoid a lot more conflict for your family. A ‘protocol’ is formal process you need to follow. 

Proceedings

This is the formal name given to a court case – when you ask the court to do something you start court proceedings.

Respondent

This is the name given to the person or people you have to give a copy of your application for a court order to. A respondent can then reply (respond) to your application.

Settlement

An official agreement sorting out your finances with your ex.

Disclaimer

The information in this guide applies to England and Wales only. The law is different if you live in Scotland or Northern Ireland.

The law is complicated. We have simplified things in this guide. Please don’t rely on this guide as a complete statement of the law. We recommend you try and get advice from the sources we have suggested.

The cases we refer to are not always real but show a typical situation. We have included them to help you think about how to deal with your own situation.

Acknowledgements

This guide was written and produced by Advicenow and funded thanks to the Ministry of Justice via the Online Support and Advice Grant.

Advicenow would like to thank all those who provided feedback and advice on this guide and took part in the pilot. In particular, our thanks go to Karen Barham who kindly peer reviewed this guide.