It is totally normal to feel stressed, anxious, disappointed or angry about things not going the way you imagined for your family.

If you are going through a break-up or you have been through one recently, you are probably going through a very stressful time. It's hard being a parent. You may be feeling that you can't cope, or you want it all to go away. Most people have days when they feel like they want to go back to being a child themselves. This makes it hard to make any decisions. Be kind to yourself.

Sometimes your emotions around your break-up may get in the way of working out what is right for your children. There are a number of organisations who offer support and help for adults and children when they are dealing with family difficulties. You can find some listed in the section called More help and advice. 

It may help to know:

1. As parents, you share responsibility for sorting out arrangements for your children. It is up to you to make every effort to agree how you will bring them up, as long as it is safe for you and the children to do this. If talking is difficult, help is available.
2. If your child’s other parent does not pay maintenance or pays late that does not give you the right to stop them seeing the children. If your child’s other parent stops you seeing the children that does not give you the right to stop paying maintenance. These issues are not linked in this way, although people commonly think they are.
3. A lot changes as children grow up. The arrangements you make now for your children may not be the right arrangements for them next year or in five years’ time. This is normal. Be ready to recognise this and adapt to meet the changing needs of your children.
4. Whatever your situation, going to court is rarely the place to start. Before you apply for a court order about the arrangements for your children, you must find out about family mediation and other possible ways to come to an agreement first, unless you can show that it would not be safe to do this (for example, where there has been domestic abuse between you).
5. If you haven’t already seen Sorting out child arrangements, it would be helpful to start there to see if you can avoid going to court.
6. Family mediation is available whether you split up recently or years ago, shared a home or never lived together. Family mediation is not the same as marriage guidance or couples therapy - it is not about getting back together. In fact, it is the opposite. Family mediation aims to help you to agree how you will live and parent apart. In a situation where you cannot agree the arrangements for your children, a family mediator can help you discuss possible solutions. But it is not the mediator who makes the decisions or agrees to a plan - it is you.
7. There is one court called the Family Court, which works in different places across England and Wales, and which deals with disagreements between separated families. These are not the same courts where people who are accused of doing something wrong go.
8. If you do end up going to court, the court will help you and your child’s other parent agree things between you where possible, if this is in the best interests of your children and safe for everyone involved. Courts prefer not to make a decision for you and think your own agreement is usually better in the long term for your children.
9. If you represent yourself in any court proceedings without the help of a solicitor or barrister, then the law calls you a ‘litigant in person’. It is possible that you and your child’s other parent are both litigants in person. You may also hear people talk about ‘self-representing’. This means the same thing.
10. We talk about the court ‘doing’ things quite a lot in this guide. For example, the court may ‘send’ out a form, ‘make’ a decision or ‘think’ about something. It sounds a bit odd because most people think of a court as a place, a building. But ‘the court’ is often used to mean the people working in the court, whether they are a judge or court staff. And that’s how we use the term here and how you will probably hear other people use it too.

Legal aid is a government scheme to help people who live on a low income and have few savings pay for some kinds of legal advice, representation and other help.

Legal aid is no longer available to pay for legal advice from a solicitor to help you apply for a child arrangements order unless you can prove you have suffered domestic abuse or that your child is at risk of abuse from the person who is applying for the order – usually the other parent and your ex. 
Legal aid is still available to pay for family mediation, without the need to provide evidence of domestic abuse. Eligibility for legal aid depends on your financial circumstances. Go to Check if you can get legal aid.

Domestic abuse 

Domestic abuse in relationships (and among family members) is common. Domestic abuse is behaviour, usually by a partner or ex-partner, used to control the other person. It can affect anyone – whatever your gender or sexuality.

Abuse can take many different forms - it doesn’t just mean physical violence or threats. It can be:

• physical or sexual,
• violent or threatening,
• controlling or coercive,
• economic, including financial,
• psychological and emotional.

Domestic abuse can happen at any time and can often get worse when you split up, when your ex may try hard to keep controlling you – in an attempt to stop you from leaving. 

Abuse can happen via tech and online as well as in real life. Some examples of tech abuse are abusive messaging online, tracking you with spyware, demanding access to your devices and online accounts or sharing intimate images online without your consent. This is often called tech abuse.  

A child who sees, hears or experiences the effects of the domestic abuse is also a victim of domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse and legal aid 

If you have experienced domestic abuse in your relationship with your child’s other parent, it is especially important to get legal advice before you make any big decisions. In this situation, reaching an agreement on what time the children spend with their other parent may well not be the right thing to do to keep you and your children safe. You will need legal advice on this to understand how the court would look at your case. Make sure you look into whether or not you can get legal aid.

To apply for legal aid, you must be able to give your solicitor some evidence that you have suffered domestic abuse or that your child is at risk of abuse from your ex. For more help take a look at our guide called How to get legal aid for a family issue. You may be entitled to free or subsidised legal help from a family law solicitor. Go to Check if you can get legal aid. If you are entitled, look for a family law solicitor who can take legal aid cases. You can find a family law solicitor who offers legal aid at Find a legal aid adviser. 

You can also find a good family law solicitor on the Resolution website. They will be able to help you work out what the best thing for you to do is, and if you can do it yourself or if you will need legal help. Not all Resolution member solicitors offer legal aid - you need to look for the green tick next to their name when you use their online search option. Don’t be afraid to phone around and compare prices or see who gives free first appointments.  

Other advice options if you can’t get legal aid

If you cannot get legal aid or afford to pay for a family law solicitor, don’t give up. It is really important to get some legal advice on your exact situation. It may be that it is not safe to agree that the children spend time with their other parent because of what has happened with them or how the other parent behaves. There are other places where you can get help on these issues such as Rights of Women and RCJ Advice, the Child Law Advice service or law centres. For more details, go to the section called More help and advice. 
 

The law explains what a court needs to take into account when it makes a decision about your child. The court will consider your child’s welfare above all else. This is about trying to decide, sometimes in difficult circumstances, what is in your child’s best interests. It means putting what your child needs first, before what each parent may want or need.

The law makes it clear that the court must only make an order if doing that is better for your child than making no order at all. You may hear lawyers call this the ‘no order principle’.

The court must also avoid any delay, where possible, as it is generally agreed that delaying a decision is not usually good for children and can sometimes cause them harm. If it is important that the court makes a decision before a particular event takes place, for example, your child starts nursery, goes back to or changes school, or moves to live with another family member, then the court should take this into account when they organise the hearing in your case.

The court's checklist - what is best for your children

The law gives the court a checklist of things to think about when deciding what is best for your children. You may hear this being called the ‘welfare checklist’. Next we list all the things the court takes into account. 

Your child’s wishes and feelings

The court puts the child’s voice in the centre of each case in the Pathfinder court. The court will want to know what is important to your child and, if they are old enough, what they think should happen. A family court adviser may meet your child. (For more information about family court advisers see the section called Cafcass and Cafcass Cymru). The court will take your child’s age and their understanding into account and will look at what your child says as part of the overall picture. The court will want to know that your child’s wishes and feelings are their own and have not been influenced by either of their parents. While a child’s wishes and feelings are always important to the court, the older your child is, the more weight the court will give them.

Your child’s physical, emotional and educational needs

This includes your child’s need for love and affection as well as for education, a home and food. It also includes things that can affect your child’s emotional well-being. So, if, for example, your proposals involve separating one child from his/her brother or sister, the court will consider how this will impact on their emotional needs. If you and your ex argue or resort to violence with your children around, again the court will take this into account.

The likely effect of any change in circumstances on your child

Change can be disruptive for children so the court will want to think about how any change you suggest may affect your children - for example, in where they live or who they live or spend time with. Does the benefit of any change outweigh any possible negative effects?

The age, sex, background and any relevant characteristics of your child

This includes any cultural, religious or language needs as well as any disabilities.

Any harm your child has suffered or is at risk of suffering

Harm can mean ill treatment or damage to your child’s health or development, the impact on them from seeing or hearing domestic abuse or by preventing a child from knowing their other parent without a good reason. Can you protect your child from this kind of harm?

How capable you and the child’s other parent are of meeting your child’s needs

Do you have the skills to look after your child and meet their needs? If, for example, you have drug or alcohol problems, and these problems affect your ability to meet your child’s needs then this is something the court will take into account.

The power of the court to make a different order from the one you have asked for

The fact you have asked for a particular order does not restrict what the court can do. The court’s view about what is best for your child may or may not be the same as yours. There is always a possibility that neither you nor the other parent gets what you asked for. The court’s duty to protect a child is so important that if, for example, it thinks your child is at risk of significant harm, it could ask the local council’s child protection team to get involved.

You can sort out the arrangements for your children by agreement at any time – either before or after you start court proceedings or, ideally, without there being any court proceedings at all. If you haven’t already read Sorting out child arrangements, it’s a great place to start. Usually, court should be the last resort.

As long as it is safe for you to do so, reaching an agreement yourselves is usually better than the court telling everyone what to do. You are more likely to be satisfied with the outcome and stick to the decisions you have made together. And children do better when their parents and relatives cooperate with each other.

Sometimes people think that by going to court they will get everything sorted out for them by the judge. In fact, often the judge will ask you to compromise when you get to court and agree on as much as you can without them making an order. So, it is usually better to avoid the time, costs and stress involved in going to court and try and agree things between yourselves. You may need some help with this. We talk more about this in the next section.

If you cannot reach agreement by speaking to each other or with the help of family or friends, you cannot just go straight to court for an order (unless there has been domestic abuse, or issues of urgency or safety for the children). Instead, the court expects you to try another way to resolve your dispute. Family lawyers often call this ‘non-court dispute resolution’ or NCDR for short. 

The methods of non-court dispute resolution that the court recognises are: 

• mediation,
• a process called the ‘collaborative approach’ where you both have solicitors and come together in the same room to negotiate and reach agreement,
• neutral evaluation where a single experienced family lawyer gives their opinion to both of you on how the court would decide what should happen in your dispute, or
• arbitration (like having a private judge, who makes a legal binding decision that you both need to follow).

The cheapest of these options is likely to be mediation, especially if you can get legal aid to mediate or access a mediation voucher. 

The best place to start to learn more about mediation and other ways to resolve your dispute is at a ‘mediation information and assessment meeting’ or MIAM for short. We explain more about these next.

Mediation information and assessment meetings (MIAMs)

A mediation information and assessment meeting (or MIAM for short) is not mediation. It is a meeting to help you understand more about mediation and the other options available to you to reach an agreement out of court. Mediation can help but there are other options to think about too. 

The purpose of this meeting is to:

• explore whether you really have to go to court or whether you might be able to come to an agreement, and
• assess whether mediation, or another type of dispute resolution, is a safe way for you and the other parent to try and sort out your disagreement.

Mediation aims to help you communicate with one another now and in the future and to reduce any conflict between you. Trained mediators can help you talk to each other and find solutions, even when it is hard. They are there to help you both and can provide you with a safe and supportive environment where you can work out solutions together. The MIAM is to help you understand how mediation can help. 

For more information about how a MIAM works, the situations when you don’t have to attend a MIAM, how to arrange a MIAM, and the likely costs take a look at our guide to Family mediation. At the MIAM the mediator will help you work out if you can get a mediation voucher to help pay for mediation.

You might like to watch a short video about mediation before you read our more detailed help. 

If you are not able to reach an agreement in any of the ways we talk about above, or a mediator says your case is not suitable for mediation then you can go on to make an application to the family court for a child arrangements order. 

In this section we explain which court to use, where you can find the forms you will need and information about court fees and court rules. We also talk about how much it could cost and how long it may take. In the next section we explain what you need to do, step-by-step.

Which court?

You can apply to any family court, but you should normally make your application to the family court nearest to the children. You can find the contact details and opening times of all courts by going to Find a court or tribunal.

How long will the case take?

It is hard to say, but the length of a case is likely to depend on the number and complexity of things you disagree about. The case may take longer if one of you has concerns about safety - for example, if there are any allegations of domestic abuse, serious mental health issues or drug or alcohol misuse.

The court is very aware that any delay in decisions affecting children is not good. But it is essential that time is taken to make sure that any orders that are made are safe and in the best interests of the children.

Pathfinder courts, with their new approach, are able to deal with applications much more quickly now so it is likely to take two to four months rather than years (as sometimes happens in the family courts not running the Pathfinder pilot).

Which forms do you need to use? 

To apply for a child arrangements order you need to fill in a C100 form. You can apply online at GOV.UK, or you can apply using a paper form. The processes are quite different, so we explain each one in detail in the next section.

Applying online is likely to be: 

• easier – you only have to answer the relevant questions rather than wading through all the questions, and
• quicker – you don’t need to print it out, make copies or post it, and the court will have your application on their system as soon as you submit it.

Applying online can be easier because the online form includes all the questions you need to answer in one place, and based on your answers, you are only asked questions that are relevant to you. You can then access all the information and documents throughout the case through the online service.

If you prefer to do a paper form that is still available. You can find details about both the online and paper applications by going to Form C100. This takes you to the GOV.UK page with information on both. If you want to do a paper form and struggle to access a printer you can try your local library or go to your local court and ask them to print off the form for you.

How much it will cost?

How much it costs you will depend totally on whether you deal with all the paperwork yourself or pay a lawyer to do some or all of it for you.

Lawyers charge for their time. So, usually, every time you write, email or phone, they will charge you for the time they spend reading what you say, thinking about what advice to give you and giving you that advice. The more often you contact them, the more time they spend negotiating on your behalf or representing you at court hearings, the greater the cost – to you.

If you use a lawyer, the key thing is to use their time carefully. So prepare a list of the points you want to make and questions you want to ask before you speak to them (take a look at How to prepare for seeing a solicitor or adviser for more help). Legal costs can quite easily add up to thousands of pounds. This is one reason why the court encourages people to mediate and reach an agreement either without going to court at all or if you end up in court, at each hearing you have to attend.

Some lawyers offer packages of legal services for a fixed fee. Sometimes these services include a free first meeting. We suggest you call or email several to check what they offer for the price they are quoting. What will they do for you? What do they expect you to do?

Some lawyers are happy to just to specific bits of the process for you. You might hear them called this service ‘unbundled work’. So, for example, you could ask a lawyer just to prepare your application. If so, ring round and ask for a quote for doing this job. You might want to pay them to be available on the phone on the date of the first hearing to answer your queries or to represent you at the final hearing. Some firms offer a pay-as-you-go option, so you don’t get any nasty surprises when it comes to paying your bill.

You could also consult a barrister directly without involving anyone else (for example, a solicitor). This is often called ‘direct access’. The barrister can give you their expert opinion on your case and also represent you without the need to have a solicitor too. Not all barristers offer this service though. For more information about finding a barrister to work directly for you, take a look at the Bar Council’s direct access portal. It is important to be really organised if you are going to instruct a barrister directly, because they will charge more if they think it will take them more time to understand the case.

If you have a specific amount of money you can afford, think about whether it is best to use this to help you prepare (for example to spend it on legal advice or drafting), or to pay a lawyer to represent you at the hearing. What is likely to be best will depend on the issues in your case. 

You should only have to pay your own costs (and not the other parent’s as well) unless the court decides you have run your case unreasonably. This might include: 

• not doing what the court has ordered,
• failing to turn up for hearings,
• not trying non-court dispute resolution when the judge thinks it would be suitable,
• misleading the court or the other parent, or
• continuing to try and make unreasonable arguments.

Family court fees

You usually have to pay a family court fee when you start proceedings about the arrangements for your children. The court calls this ‘issuing proceedings’. Court fees vary. The current court fee for a C100 form is £263. The fees do change so to be sure what the fee is when you apply, by going to EX50.

Help with court fees

You may not have to pay a fee at all or only a reduced fee if you have a low income. For example, you will not pay anything if you can prove that you get Income Support, income-based Jobseeker’s Allowance, Pension Credit guarantee credit, Universal Credit with gross annual earnings of less than £6,000, or income-related Employment and Support Allowance as long as your savings or other capital don’t go over certain limits.

To ask for help with paying court fees, go to Getting help paying court and tribunal fees. This takes you to the GOV.UK page on the topic where you can choose to apply online or print off a paper form. If you want to apply online but need support, you can get help from We Are Group.

For more information go to our Help with court fees page. 

People you will meet when you apply to court 

Court staff 

There are lots of people who work at court buildings and in court offices who keep the court service running. You might meet or speak to some of them if you attend a court hearing.

Case progression officer 

This is a member of court staff who works on your case. They will make sure it is moving forward as it should and will keep you updated on what it is happening, usually by phone or email or letter. You can ask them questions if you are unsure about anything.

Judges 

Judges are specially trained lawyers who are appointed to hear cases and make court orders. A judge is a legal expert in the area of law that they hear cases about. You should only see one judge who will deal with your case, and you may not even need to see them, depending on how complicated the issues are in your family.

Lay Magistrates

Lay Magistrates are volunteers from the local community who sit in the family court and hear cases about children. They work as a group of three with a lead magistrate, called the chair. They have a court legal adviser who is trained in the law to advise them on their decisions.

Cafcass officers 

Cafcass officers - also called a family court adviser - is a specialist social worker. They work for Cafcass in England, or Cafcass Cymru in Wales. Cafcass stands for the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service. This service provides advice and support to help the family court and families make decisions in the best interests of children. For more information go to the section called Cafcass and Cafcass Cymru.

In this section we explain who can apply for this kind of court order, how you apply, what forms you must fill in and what happens next.

Before you apply

You must attend a mediation information and assessment meeting (MIAM) before you can apply for a court order about the arrangements for your children – unless you fall into the limited circumstances that mean you don’t have to attend. As long as it is safe and appropriate, the court expects you to go to a MIAM and try some form of dispute resolution – for a reminder, see the section called Before you can go to court.

At this meeting a mediator will explain the services available to help you and the other parent reach an agreement. For more information on this, see Before you can go to court. Later, when you have a court hearing you will usually need to explain what efforts you made to sort out your dispute before applying to court, unless you don’t have to attend a MIAM.

Who can apply

Some people are entitled to apply for child arrangements orders while others need the court’s permission first. If you are the child’s mother or father, you are entitled to apply. You can also apply if you are a stepparent, and you have treated the child as your child. A stepparent is someone who is married to or the civil partner of a parent who has parental responsibility for the child.

Other people, such as grandparents, will generally need the court’s permission to apply for a court order unless the child has already lived with them for a set period of time - this time varies depending on the order you want to apply for. For more information about who needs permission to apply, go to the CB1 form. You will find it on the GOV.UK website.

If you are the person who starts the proceedings, you are called the ‘applicant’. If you are the other person you have to respond to it, so you are called the ‘respondent’.

How to apply for an order about the arrangements for your children

Applying online 

You apply for a court order online by filing in Form C100. Unless there is already a case about your child in court when you use a C2 form – we explain more about this later.

At the start of the online application, there is a page which explains all the information you need to get before you start. As you go through the questions you can save your answers and come back at another time to finish and check it through, before submitting it to the court.

To pay the court fee you need a credit or debit card or a Help with fees code that you have to get separately, either through a different online form or by applying using a paper form. Go to Help with court fees for more on information on this.

The online form asks you about:

• yourself, the other person, the children, and why you want to apply to court,
• what efforts you have made to resolve your dispute out of court,  
• if there has been or is domestic abuse of any kind in your relationship, or
• any other safety concerns you have for yourself or the children.

When you have finished the online form, you must fill in the section called the ‘Statement of truth’. This means that what you are saying everything in the application is true and accurate as far as you know. If you make a false statement of truth, you can be taken to court for ‘contempt of court’. The punishment for this offence can be a fine, unpaid work or time in prison, or all three.

Applying using the paper forms

If you prefer not to do it online, you can download the Form C100 instead and either fill it in on your computer or by hand.

There may also be other forms you need to do if you fill in the paper C100 form – depending on your situation.

C1A form – you need to fill in this form to tell the court about any domestic abuse in your relationship, including any harm you say the other person has caused you or your children. This can be a challenging form to fill in as it asks you to think about and explain what you have been through. It might feel very demanding, but it is important that the court has any relevant information as early on in the case as possible.

C8 form – if the other person in the case does not know where you currently live or what your contact details are such as your mobile and email address, you can ask the court to keep these details private. The court needs to know them to get in touch with you so you can provide them in this form rather than in the C100 form.

Help with fees form – you can do a paper form for this or apply online. The court will assess your financial situation and work out if you are entitled to help with all the fee, some of the fee, or if you have to pay for it yourself.

Once you have got the right forms for your case, filled them in and checked you have not missed anything out, sign and date them and make enough copies to take or send to the court.

You will need one copy for: 

1. the court,
2. Cafcass or (if you live in Wales, CAFCASS Cymru),
3. each respondent,
4. you, to keep.

Then take or send the forms to the court office with the correct number of copies and the court fee if you have to pay one. You may hear lawyers and court staff use the words ‘lodging’ or ‘filing’. This just means taking or sending forms or other documents to a court. So, if someone asks you to ‘lodge’ or ‘file’ a copy of a document they are just asking you to take it or send it to the court.

If there is already a court case happening that is about your children

If there already is a court case about your children and you are not yet involved but want to be (perhaps, for example, you are the child’s father and the proceedings are between the child’s mother and stepfather), or you need the court’s permission to start proceedings, then you need to complete Form C2. This form is not yet available to do online so you need to download, fill in and print off this form. You can find it by going to C2 form. This will take you to the GOV.UK page you need. 

However you apply…

Most court forms seem a bit intimidating when you first look at them. A large part of most form (or online box) filling involves giving factual information. Read though the questions a couple of times to find out what information is needed. Then get together the information you need before you start filling it in. Once you have done this, the job may turn out to be a bit easier than you first thought.

There is no need to use long words and legal language. The best thing is to keep it short and simple. Stick to what is relevant and try not to repeat yourself.

What do I do if my case is urgent?

Everyone tends to think their own case is urgent but as far as the court is concerned only a very few cases really are.

The court will only treat a case as urgent if there is a risk to the life, liberty or physical safety of you or your family, a risk to your home, or any delay would cause:

• a risk of harm to your child,
• a risk your child might be removed unlawfully from the UK,
• a significant risk of a miscarriage of justice,
• you to suffer unreasonable hardship, or
• problems in dealing with the dispute that could not be fixed later (for example, the loss of significant evidence).

You apply for an urgent hearing by ticking the box on Form C100 against the question: 'Is an urgent hearing or without notice hearing required'? You must also complete the relevant sections of the form explaining the urgency and claiming exemption from attending a mediation information and assessment meeting.    

In the Pathfinder court, a member of court staff looks at your application on the day you make it to check if there might be urgent issues for the court to look at straightaway. If they think your case is urgent, a judge will review your application and decide if an urgent hearing is needed. The court will contact you to let you know.

Cafcass is the short name for the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service.

There are two of these services - one in England, known as Cafcass, and one in Wales called CAFCASS Cymru. Both organisations provide advice and support to help the family court and families make decisions in the best interests of children.

A Cafcass officer, also known as a family court adviser, carries out safeguarding checks, meets you and your children and speak to other important people in your family. All this work helps them to write a detailed report for the court about your children and what they recommend should happen in the future for their care. 

Having a professional get involved in your family and write a report about your children and your life might make you feel uneasy or worried. This is totally normal. We explain more about what the family court adviser does in the next section so that you know what to expect. To help you prepare now, read our top tips for working well with your family court adviser.
 

The court sticks to a particular timetable to deal with your application and all the steps that different people need to take after you make your application. The timetable is generally described in days or weeks. When it comes to days, these are weekdays – they don’t include weekend days. 

Here, we take you through the process step by step according to what happens and when. 

This is the day that the court receives your application and puts it on their system. Your application goes to a particular member of court staff who is called a Case Progression Officer. This person will be in touch with you at different times to give you updates and answer any questions you might have.  

The Case Progression Officer will:

1. check you have filled in the forms correctly,
2. check that you have attended a MIAM (or that you can give a reason not to attend that is in the list of reasons that means you don’t have to),
3. check that you have included all other relevant documents,
4. contact you if any important information is missing,
5. check that you have paid the correct fee or filled in the Help with fees form correctly, or ring you if you are paying by debit or credit card,
6. check if the application might be urgent and pass to a judge to decide. 
    

At this stage the court has a hearing about your application, but you do not need to attend. It is known as the ‘Gatekeeping 1 Hearing’. All a ‘gatekeeping hearing’ means is that a judge or court legal adviser reads your application and makes an order saying what needs to happen next.

Urgent applications

If a member of court staff thinks your application might be urgent, they will pass it to a judge or legal adviser to review it. If the judge decides that there is something urgent that the court needs to make orders about right away, there are two options.

If the situation is really urgent, the judge can make an order straightaway, or there might be an urgent hearing, where the court will make any orders that need to be made immediately and cannot wait for the standard process to be followed. You will get an update either way from the court and they will tell you what you need to do. If you are not sure – ask.

Without notice hearings

In rare circumstances, the court may require an urgent hearing without your ex being in court, or being told about the hearing.  This is known as a ‘without notice hearing’, but you may also hear lawyers and court staff calling it an ‘ex parte hearing’.

These rare hearings are only allowed when:
•    there is exceptional urgency and so no time to give your ex any notice,
•    telling your ex would defeat the purpose of order,
•    when telling your ex about the application would expose you or your child to an unnecessary risk of physical / emotional harm.

When the urgent part of the case has been dealt with the judge will follow the usual process – we describe this next.

Applications that are not urgent

If the court looks at your application and the judge does not think you have tried hard enough to work out your disagreement out of court, for example through mediation, they can ask you to try now. For more help on this see the section called Before you can go to court and to find a mediator, go to More help and advice.

If there are no urgent issues (for example about the safety of the children) and the court can see you have tried other options before applying to court or that a process like mediation is not suitable, they will make an order for a child impact report (CIR). You and the other parent will be sent a copy of the order, and you will be given a booklet with information on the process. At the same time, court staff will arrange for another hearing, usually in around 7 - 8 weeks’ time, called the ‘Gatekeeping 2 Hearing’. You do not need to go to this hearing though – it is just for the judge and court staff to keep your case on track and to make decisions about what happens next.

What to do if you have received court papers and are the respondent

If your ex has applied to a Pathfinder court, you are known as the ‘respondent’ – the person who replies or ‘responds’ to the application.

The court will send you all the paperwork. These court papers will usually be sent to the address given for you by your ex in the C100 application form.  

If your ex has not provided an address for you, the court has various ways that it can locate you, for example using government records.  Your ex might be required to provide a telephone number or email address to the court, so that you are told about the application as soon as possible.

The paperwork will tell you what you need to do next.  Be aware that the Pathfinder court works quickly, and usually without a court hearing until the very last stage of the case. So, it is important that you take the opportunity at an early stage of the case to have your say.  

To reply to the application, you need to fill in the C7 form (that the court will send to you). You should also send a copy of this form to the person who has applied to court.  

If you have any concerns about the applicant’s ability to safely care for your child, it is really important that you tell the court about your concerns as early as possible. You can do this by filling in a C1A form (that the court will send to you). You need to send the form to the court and to the person who has applied to court.

If the application process is online and you are asked to reply online, you will be sent details about how to access the case online and you can fill in the paperwork there rather than by hand. 
 

The child impact report stage

In Pathfinder courts, the judge tells either Cafcass, or Cafcass Cymru in Wales, to prepare a child impact report. Or, if you have or have recently had a social worker involved with your family, the court might ask the social services department of your local authority (your council) to do the report.

What is a child impact report?

At this stage either a family court adviser or local authority social worker will be asked by the court to carry out safety checks and gather important information about your children and your family to assist the court. This usually involves speaking to the adults involved and the children themselves. This process helps them to find out what is happening at the moment for your family and in particular your children. They will focus on finding out what your children need and want and recommend the most suitable arrangements for your children to the court. They will also carefully consider if there are any risks for your children or you or the other adult/s involved. They put all this information and their recommendations in a report – known as the child impact report.  

The family court adviser or social worker will:

1. carry out safety checks with the police and social services,
2. speak to you and the other adult/s involved in the care of the children. Usually this will be the other parent, but sometimes it might be another family member too,
3. check if there have been any court hearings about your children in the past,
4. usually speak to your children (if appropriate) to find out what is important to them (usually at a ‘neutral’ location such as their school), and
5. speak to other people involved with your children if appropriate, such as a teacher or support worker.

It is likely you will have several meetings or conversations face to face, by phone, or video call. The family court adviser is likely to ask you questions to find out:

1. why you have made an application,
2. what you think would make things better for your children – in terms of arrangements for the future,
3. any worries you have about the safety and welfare of your children (and you) due to the other adult/s involved.

Domestic abuse and risk of harm

If the safety checks or conversations suggest that there is a risk of harm to the children or you or the other adult/s in the case, Cafcass or Cafcass Cymru will suggest that a detailed risk assessment is carried out by a local domestic abuse service.

The risk assessment will be carried out, and you or the other adult and children (if appropriate) should be offered support via a detailed support plan. The risk assessment will form part of the child impact report. This means that the court will have a thorough understanding of the risks involved in the case before making a decision that will impact the whole family. The aim is to make the situation safer for you all.

If you are worried about things you say to the domestic abuse service worker going in the report because the other adult will see it, you need to tell them. They will agree with you a summary that can be shared with the court.

Children’s guardians

If your case is particularly complicated, the family court adviser might suggest that your children should have their own representative in the case. This person is called a ‘children’s guardian’. The court decides if a guardian should be appointed.

The children’s guardian will speak to the children and communicate their wishes and feelings to the court. Children’s guardians are often family court advisers too, who are very experienced in complicated children law cases. The children’s guardian will instruct their own solicitor, who will represent the children at any court hearing.

A guardian might be appointed in a case where:  

1. you and the other parent or other adults in the case already have a really long running hostile relationship,
2. there are complex medical or mental health issues,
3. your child is older and/or is opposed to all of the proposals being made by you or their other parent,  
4. there are serious allegations of physical, sexual or emotional abuse of the children.

Before the child impact report is finalised

Before the family court adviser finalises their recommendations in the child impact report, they will usually talk to you and your children’s other parent about them. This will help you both think about what your children want and need.

It is possible at this point that the family court adviser can help you come to an agreement. This is especially the case if your disagreement is about how you much time each of you will spend with the children, rather than one parent being completely against the other parent spending any time with the children.

Reaching an agreement, based on what the family court adviser says they are going to recommend, will also mean that the case will end and you can avoid the stress of a court hearing. However, if you really don’t agree with what the family court adviser is suggesting should happen you may well need to try and get legal advice – see More help and advice.

When the child impact report is finished

The family court adviser will make final recommendations in the report about what they think needs to happen in the future to help your children. They will recommend possible court orders to the court and their opinion on the most appropriate arrangements for your children. They might also say it would be helpful for you to go on a parenting course or get other support.

You and the other parent or adult/s in the case will usually get a copy of the report and the judge will see it to help them decide the next steps in the process. 
 

The child impact report should have been completed and sent to the court by the date in the Gatekeeping 1 order.  Sometimes Cafcass, or CAFCASS Cymru, need a bit longer to carry out their investigations and so ask the court for more time. They are usually given this and the ‘Gatekeeping 2 hearing’ is pushed back in the court diary.

Gatekeeping 2 hearing

This is the second hearing in the case. Again, you do not need to attend. At this hearing, the child impact report will be carefully considered by a judge or court legal adviser.  The judge or court legal adviser will then decide how best to deal with your case and what next steps are.

A decision will be made about which level of judge should deal with your case – this will usually be either three lay magistrates supported by a court legal adviser, or a district judge.

There are two broad routes through the court process from this point. At the Gatekeeping 2 hearing, the judge (or legal adviser) will decide which route your case should take.

Option 1 - shorter route – in some areas called the ‘adjudication path or track’

• The judge can strongly recommend mediation for you to try and agree any remaining issues and tell you to take part in a suitable course, such as a course for separated parents; or
• If you have managed to agree arrangements, the judge can record them in something called a ‘consent order’ where your agreement is formalised into a court approved order; or
• The judge can decide that you and the other parent need to attend a hearing called a ‘decision’ hearing, if reaching an agreement seems impossible for you. This is a hearing where the judge hears from you both, considers the child impact report and makes an order that you must then follow.

If the judge decides option 1 above is the best route for your children, then there are various things the court can order to ensure the case is ready for the decision hearing. For example:

• You may be asked to write a short statement, explaining your views on the child impact report and what you think should happen with the child arrangements in the future.
• The court will decide if the family court adviser who wrote the report should come to the hearing and answer any questions.
• The court will usually decide if you and the other person involved will need to give evidence at the hearing and answer each other’s questions.

These decisions, listed in the last section, are made by a judge or court legal adviser without you or the other parent present. This means that you find out what has been decided a little later – the case progression officer will let you know, or you will get an update by post. If your case is on the online portal, you will get an email telling you to log on to see the new order on the portal.  At this stage, you will be told which route the judge has decided on – the shorter route or the more complicated one. The judge will record this decision in the Gatekeeping 2 order.

Who can come with you to a hearing

Family court hearings are private, whether in a court building, or by video or phone. However, if your hearing is in a court building, that doesn’t stop you bringing a friend or family member along for moral and practical support. If you want them to be in the court room with you, you will have to ask the judge. Sometimes that will be okay, especially if you can explain why, it would help you for them to be with you. But be prepared for the judge to say no. If your hearing takes place by phone or video call you cannot have anyone else in the room with you unless the judge gives you permission.

Often you can have someone in the hearing with you if you want them to act as what is known as your ‘McKenzie friend’ but they will not be able to speak on your behalf. You need to ask the permission of the judge beforehand. The person you want to support you will almost certainly need to tell the Judge who they are, and a little about themselves.

A McKenzie friend can act as your eyes and ears for you during the hearing, for example, by taking notes and reminding you of things you want to say to the judge. They should have no personal involvement in the case, and it is a good idea to have someone who stays calm and is an organised person. Tell the court as soon as possible if you want someone to take on this role.

The judge can ask your McKenzie friend to leave the hearing if they behave in a way that interferes with the court doing its job, for example, if they make loud comments.

Again, if your hearing is by phone or video call you will need to get permission from the judge to have someone with you to act as your McKenzie friend. This means that they will need to be in another room until the judge says they can join you in the hearing.

To learn more about McKenzie friends, be sure to read the section called ‘Support at court from McKenzie friends’ in Going to court when the other side has a lawyer and you don’t.

Rules about whether the media are allowed to be at your court hearing

There are now rules that let the media and legal bloggers attend court and report on any family law case in any family court in England and Wales, as long as the judge or magistrates make a special order, called a ‘transparency order’. The transparency order lets them report on the case as long as the children and families involved are kept anonymous. If asked to, the court should make this order unless there are good reasons not to, to protect those involved. Sometimes the media or legal bloggers can ask for permission to name the people involved, but it is unusual for this to happen, and the court would consider this carefully before coming to a decision on it. For more information on this go to The Transparency Project. 
 

If you are told you need to attend a court hearing at a court building or online you need to prepare. Here is our checklist. 

• Make sure you have done everything the court has asked you to do.
• Have you sent all the documents you were told to send to the court?
• Make clear, easy to read notes of what you want to say at the hearing so that you can refer to it. This will help you remember the most important things you want to say. You may think that what you want to say on the day will just occur to you at the time. But you cannot rely on this.
• Think about and plan the questions you want ask or have someone else ask the other adult/s involved.
• Get your papers organised.
• Have a summary ready of what you want the court to order.

For more detailed information on how to prepare for a final hearing, be sure to read Going to court when the other side has a lawyer and you don’t. The information will be useful even if your ex or the other person in your case does not have a lawyer.

If you ask for or are told the hearing will be by video call, make sure you read our guide Court and tribunal hearings by video or phone call. 
 

Due to the different approach being taken in Pathfinder courts, fewer parents are being asked to do statements or bundles.

If the judge, or magistrates, ask you to do a statement or prepare a court bundle you can find detailed step-by-step help in the extended version of our guide called How to apply for a child arrangements order. We ask people to pay for this but if you are on a very low income, we can send it to you for free. 
 

Emotional support

Relate have lots of information on their website about a range of problems that can arise in relationships and families.

How to find a family mediator

Anyone can call themselves a family mediator, so it is important to choose someone you can be sure is well trained and experienced.

A good way to find a registered mediator is to use the search tool provided by the Family Mediation Council to find one near you. All Family Mediation Council registered mediators must follow a code of practice to maintain good standards in their work. If you are interested, you can find the code of practice on the Family Mediation Council website.

If you follow up on a recommendation from family or friends, be sure to just check the name on the Family Mediation Council website so you know that the person is registered and either working towards being an accredited mediator or is accredited. This will give you reassurance that the mediator you choose is trained and experienced.

All the mediators included on the Family Medication Council website have been trained by providers approved by the Family Mediation Council and most are also accredited, which means that they are experienced mediators. Not all mediators do Legal Aid funded mediation, but those who do must be accredited – you can search for them by ticking the middle box on the search tool.

For more useful information on mediation as a process have a look at Family mediation. 

How to find legal advice

For help finding a family lawyer a good place to start is Resolution where you can find lawyers by searching using your postcode. Resolution members must commit to helping you work out your legal problem in a non-confrontational way. A green tick next to the lawyer’s name tells you that they offer legal aid.

You can also search for a specialist lawyer near you who has been accredited by the Law Society. This means they have a significant amount of experience and expertise and have passed a Law Society assessment - go to Law Society Find a solicitor page. 

Some family law specialists do extra training in an approach to solving legal problems called collaborative practice. If you use this approach, each of you agree to use a collaboratively trained lawyer and have meetings together to try and solve the issues without going to court. You can search for a collaboratively trained lawyer on the Resolution website by choosing ‘Collaborative practitioner’ in the Service offering box.

The Child Law Advice service provide free advice on all areas of English child and family law from the Child Law Advice Line on 0300 330 5480 Monday to Friday 10am – 4pm.

Rights of Women offers free, confidential legal advice for women in England and Wales on family law matters (for example, about domestic violence and abuse, divorce, cohabitation, finances and property on relationship breakdown, parental responsibility and arrangements for children and lesbian parenting).

For women in England and Wales, call Rights of Women on 020 7251 6577. Line open Tuesday to Thursday, 7pm to 9pm, Fridays 12pm to 2pm (closed on public holidays).

For women in London, call Rights of Women on 020 7608 1137. Line open: Mondays 10am - 12pm and 2pm to 4pm, Tuesdays 2pm - 4pm, Wednesdays 2pm - 4pm, Thursdays 10am - 12pm and 2pm to 4pm (closed on public holidays).

RCJ Advice family services include free legal advice delivered daily through legal appointments and FLOWS, a national domestic abuse legal service linking women to legal aid for family law. They may be able to help you if you:

• live in England or Wales,
• have a case in the Family Court, and
• are not already represented by a solicitor or barrister.

To book an appointment please complete an Assessment Form on their website

Another way to get legal advice is to speak to a barrister who is qualified to represent members of the public directly (without a solicitor being involved). There are limits on what a barrister can do outside of representation at court, but it is often a cheaper option if you just want to get some advice rather than have a solicitor to negotiate on your behalf. The details of appropriately qualified barristers and an explanation of the way the system works can be found at the Direct Access Portal. Don’t be afraid to phone around to compare prices or see if you can find someone who will give you the first appointment for free. Try and get organised before you make any calls, so that you can answer questions about your case clearly.

Help at court or help with a court hearing by phone or by video call

Court staff may be able to explain court procedures and help you find a court form. They are not able to give you legal advice.

Support Through Court supports people going through the court process without a lawyer. Volunteers offer a free and confidential service at some court buildings. You can look at their website to see if they have an office at your local court. The volunteers aim to help you manage your own case yourself. They cannot give legal advice or act on your behalf, but can offer practical help such as going to your hearing with you and supporting you with your forms. They can also help you if your hearing is by video or phone, by talking you through the process and sometimes joining the hearing too.

Support Through Court run a free national helpline on 03000 810 006, open Monday to Friday 10.30am - 3.30pm. This is a good place to start for information on what they can do to help you.

Child contact centres

Child contact centres are neutral places where children of separated families can spend time with the parent they don’t live with day to day and sometimes other family members, in a comfortable and safe environment. For more information, go to the National Association of Child Contact Centres website.

Domestic abuse

Always dial 999 in an emergency. If you cannot speak when you call you may be asked to cough or tap on the phone or enter the numbers 55. The operator will then know you are there and in danger and transfer you to the police.

For support or to discuss your options you can call the 24 hour National Domestic abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 or in Wales, Live Fear Free on 0808 80 10 800.

Both help lines are for anyone who is experiencing, or has experienced domestic abuse, or for anyone who is worried about domestic abuse happening to a friend, family member or colleague. It is free, confidential and the number will not show up on a BT telephone bill.

If you are a man and you or your children are affected by domestic violence or abuse you can contact the Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 Monday –Friday 10am- 5pm.

If you live in Wales, you can get support from the Dyn Project. Call their helpline 0808 801 0321 for free and confidential support between 10am-4pm Monday to Friday.

The National Centre for Domestic Violence provides a free, emergency injunction service to survivors of domestic violence regardless of their financial circumstances, race, gender or sexual orientation. Call the National Centre for Domestic Violence on 0800 970 2070. Alternatively, you can text ‘NCDV’ to 60777 and they will call you back.

Galop runs a national helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people experiencing domestic abuse. You can contact Galop on 0800 999 5428.

You can find more information and support from:

Women's Aid

Welsh Women's Aid 

Refuge 

Surviving Economic Abuse

If you are worried about your own behaviour towards your current or ex-partner, or are you concerned that someone you know is being abusive, help is available to stop this at Respect Phoneline with non-judgmental advice and access to behaviour change programmes. Call the Respect Phoneline on 0808 8024040, Monday–Friday 10am-5pm.

Parenting help and support

Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) work with children and their families, and then advise the courts on what they consider to be in the best interests of individual children. They have lots free and useful information on their website for parents and children.

If you live in Wales, you can also find useful help at Parenting. Give it time.

Family lives is a national charity providing help and support in all aspects of family life. Their helpline can give information, advice, guidance and support on any aspect of parenting and family life. Call Family Lives on 0808 800 2222 Monday to Friday 9am-9pm, Saturday and Sunday 10am - 3pm.

Gingerbread provides expert advice, practical support and other help for single parents on their website

MATCH - mothers apart from their children is a charity that offers non-judgmental support and information to mothers apart from their children in a wide variety of circumstances. E-mail: [email protected]. Call the MATCH helpline on 0800 689 4104 9am- 1pm and 7pm-9.30pm, Monday - Friday.

OnlyMums and Dads run a Family Separation Support Hub with information, articles, details of parenting courses and access to a directory of a range of professionals who can help with separation issues.

What is a pathfinder court? 

Certain family courts in England and all family courts in Wales are now Pathfinder courts. Pathfinder courts are testing (also called ‘piloting’) a new approach to help families resolve their issues through the family court. It focuses on:

1. Getting information early on in the case, with the court leading on investigating the issues – so that the whole process shouldn’t take as long for your family.
2. Putting the children in the centre of the process – so that their voice is heard more clearly and is prioritised by everyone.
3. Working more closely with other agencies, like domestic abuse organisations, to protect and support survivors of domestic abuse.
4. A shorter process that is focussed on problem solving and the future rather than the court being asked to agree with one parent’s position. This means you may not even need to have a court hearing or, if you do, you may only go to court once or twice.

How do I work out if my case will be at a Pathfinder court? 

Usually, if you make an application to the family court about a child, you need to apply to the court nearest to the children's home address rather than yours. So, to work out the nearest court to your children you need their put their postcode into the Court and Tribunal finder service. When you have the name of the court you can check if it is in the list of Pathfinder courts in section called Where are the Pathfinder courts?

How long will my case take at a Pathfinder court? 

It depends on how complicated your case is and how hard it might be for you both to compromise. If one of you says there has been domestic abuse or other safety issues in your relationship, Cafcass or Cafcass Cymru will need time to look into these concerns carefully and fully. Generally, cases in Pathfinder courts are being dealt with much more quickly than other family courts. It might be that your case takes somewhere between two and four months. It is unlikely to take years in a Pathfinder court. 

How much will it cost me? 

Again, it depends. If you get legal advice, you will need to pay the solicitor. If you just get one session of advice it will cost the fee for that session. If you decide to pay a solicitor to be involved from start to finish, it will cost thousands of pounds. If you cannot afford this and you have to represent yourself, there will be no legal fees to pay. If you start the application at court, you will have to pay the court fee, unless you can get help with court fees. 

Usually, you will not be ordered to pay the costs of other people involved in a family case but there are some occasions where you might be. For more on this go to Going to court - the basics. 
 

Adjudication path or track

This is one of two routes that the judge or legal adviser can decide your case needs to follow after the child impact report is ready and the court has held the 'Gatekeeping 2 hearing'. It is usually a shorter less complicated route than the 'case management' route. There are three broad outcomes for this route - you may be strongly encouraged to try mediation or if you have reached an agreement this is recorded in a special order called a 'consent order'. Or if neither of these are suitable, the judge or legal adviser will order that you need to attend a court hearing called a decision hearing. This is where the judge or lay magistrates will make a final order about the application. 

Allegation 

A claim that someone has done something wrong.

Applicant 

The name given to someone who applies to a court for a court order.

Application 

How you ask a court to do something.

C100 form 

The application that starts the process of asking for an order about the arrangements for the children.

C1A form 

This is the form to use if you need to tell the court about any harm or domestic abuse you say the children or you have suffered or are suffering due to the behaviour of the other person in the case.

Cafcass 

Cafcass stands for Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service. Cafcass operates in England.

Cafcass Cymru 

Cafcass stands for Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service. Cafcass Cymru operates in Wales.

Cafcass officers (also called family court advisers) 

Cafcass officers or family court advisers are specialist social workers whose job it is to help parents agree the arrangements for their children (where this is possible) and write reports for the court about the needs of children.

Case management path or track

If the judge or legal adviser decides your case is too complicated for the adjudication path or track, then your case will go onto the case management path or track. This enables the court to look more closely at the issues for your children and family and make a whole range of different orders. For more on this go to the section called Week 7 or 9.  

Case progression officer 

This is a member of court staff who works on your case. They will make sure it is moving forward as it should and will keep you updated on what it is happening, usually by phone or email or letter. You can ask them questions if you are unsure about anything. 

Child arrangements order 

An order which sets out the arrangements about who a child is to live, spend time or have contact with and when.

Confidential contact details (Form C8) 

The form you fill in if you don’t want to reveal your contact details (your address, telephone number, email address) or the contact details of your child or children. Form C8 is just for the court – so they know where you are and how to get hold of you. The information you give on it will be kept secret unless the court orders differently.

Child impact report 

The family court adviser from Cafcass, or sometimes a local authority social worker, will carry out safety checks and gather important information about your children and your family. They focus on finding out what your children need and want and recommend the most suitable arrangements for your children to the court. They will also carefully consider if there are any risks for your children or you or the other adult/s involved. They put all this information and their recommendations in the child impact report.

Decision hearing 

You might also hear this hearing being called the 'final hearing' or the 'determination' hearing. This may be the first hearing you attend and unless new problems come to light, it will most likely be the last too. The judge or magistrates will help you try and reach some sort of compromise. If that is still not possible, the court will make an order that you must both follow. For more on this, see the section called Week 8 or 10 onwards. 

Gatekeeping hearing 

This is a type of hearing but you do not need to attend. It is when the judge or legal adviser looks at the documents in your case and decides what needs to be done next. The first gatekeeping hearing happens as soon as you make your application to the court. Later on, after the child impact report is ready, there is a second gatekeeping hearing for the court to consider what should happen based on what the report recommends. 

Issue 

To officially start court proceedings.

Litigant in person 

This is what the law calls you if you represent yourself in court proceedings without the help of a solicitor or barrister.

Non-court dispute resolution (NCDR)

This is the name given to different ways of sorting out your dispute outside the court process. There are various different methods including mediation and arbitration.

Notice 

A notice is a bit like a letter. They are the way courts tell you what is going on and what you need to do next.

Party 

This kind of ‘party’ isn’t about balloons and dancing. It’s a person or group of people forming one side in a dispute.   

Pathfinder court 

Certain family courts in England and all family courts in Wales are now testing a new approach to dealing with family law disputes between parents and other family members about care arrangements for children. The approach puts the child at the centre and focuses on collecting all the important information to help the court make a decision right at the beginning of the case so it doesn't take as long for the child and the family to get things sorted out and in a position to move on. 

Proceedings

Court action taken to settle a dispute.

Respondent 

This is the name given to the person or people you have to give a copy of your application for a court order to. A respondent can then reply (respond) to your application.
 

Disclaimer 

The information in this guide applies to England and Wales and is for general purposes only. The law is different in Scotland and Northern Ireland.

The law is complicated. We have simplified things in this guide to give you an idea of how the law applies to you. Please don't rely on this guide as a complete statement of the law. We recommend you try and get advice from the sources we have suggested.  

The quotes and cases we refer to are not always real but show a typical situation. We hope they help you think about how to deal with your own situation.

Acknowledgements 

This guide was written and produced by Advicenow thanks to funding from the Ministry of Justice via the Online Support and Advice Grant.

Advicenow would like to thank all those who provided feedback on this version of the guide, particularly David Gareth Evans of 9 Park Place Chambers and Juliet Thomas of Shanahans Solicitors.